what a time to be alive.
well, this year has been fascinating for me already. in particular, this past Sunday, I just played a gig with Tyler Mitchell and Marshall Allen. also, I was made aware of a very serious thing. nothing irreversible but definitely scary. it reminded me of something in my own story, something very meaningful that changed everything. lots of craziness in January. a lot going on.
the gig with Tyler was unbelievable. Woah. Flames. Absolute flames. The other unbelievable thing has been the response. This is really interesting: when you say Marshall Allen to people, some people react with the astonishment I would’ve expected - you know, because he’s been in the Arkestra since 1958 and is older than Miles and Trane - and some people react…..with a blank stare.
I know why. Some people are very much in their space, whatever it is, and they’re not adjusted to a name like his. Since he’s largely been in one band for 68 (!!!!!!) years, people might not be totally sure about him, especially if that band is not straight ahead. I get it. They haven’t been exposed and didn’t make themselves check out that music. As Melvin says in Jackie McLean on Mars, “it’s kind of far out” - except that it isn’t, of course. If anything, it’s just deeper than your average.
the other part has been convincing people that I thought it was a big deal. you see, in this day and age, you have to convince people that the thing you did was a big deal. am I good with this? don’t I think the music can and does speak for itself? of course. ultimately I don’t care if you think me playing with Tyler and Marshall was a big deal, because obviously it was. the man’s 102.
put it another way: what would I have rather done on any given night?
I'll come back to this and think about it, but I really don’t know.
but, you see, that mentality has been ineffective. this was the old way of doing things. in the 21st century, you have to sell everything you’re doing on the internet, in ink or with pictures and videos, and I…..don’t want to. I don’t see a need because there wasn’t one before, and it is undoubtedly costing me. there are still people who feel as I do, but they are pretty much all capitulating to some extent. as am I: begrudgingly, and with specific goals and ends in mind. I will not be a slave to the algorithm. you can take that to the bank.
yes, of course, I shouldn’t have to sell my associations with the masters. it should have led to more of a reputation……already, as it usually does for great musicians. what’s the problem, exactly? it’s complicated. suffice it to say I have answers, but it’s taking a while for people to reach the conclusion that I have them. aspersions have been cast, doubt has been used towards me. I have taken steps to rectify this but….why should anyone ever doubt me? that’s got less to do with media and more to do with me. sheesh. sometimes I can’t win…..
…..and sometimes I can, because I did the thing I wanted to do and felt great about it. can't tell me nothin for at least a month. lol. what a gig
things are happening! can’t give away that much right now but I'm moving and grooving out here. as long as things don’t go horribly wrong, I should be in very good shape, one way or another.
don’t ever accept doubt from people who aren’t actively invested in you, or haven’t done anything similar to what you’re trying to do and are doing. if they don’t get it, won’t come with you, don’t believe in you or are just too busy or can’t be bothered to understand it or believe in what you’re trying to do, then why are you listening to them? do you, and do you better, always.
oh! one more thing: I've been getting my master’s at William Paterson, and I feel really good about it! the students are wonderful. I think every single one of them is sincere about music, down to earth, low key, intrinsically motivated, and very musical for their age, even if they haven’t quite put the pieces together. the environment attracts the kinds of people who end up there. you’d think the people want to go there for some reason, but it’s actually the other way around. Hartt, for example, attracted local talent, as any place would. because of its reputation, because it had such high quality musicians on faculty who had resonated all over the globe, it attracted people from across the Northeast. since it was off the beaten path, as it were, you had to really want to go if you weren’t local, which meant you’d get sincere people with some extra musical traits who got it, but maybe weren’t all that polished - like me at 18, or Corey Garcia (no offense! I think he’d agree). William Paterson’s different, but similar. it’s a little bit less off the beaten path insofar as it attracts more people, being 18 miles from the city, but, and this is a fascinating thing: being 18 miles from the city, you might as well be 150 miles from the city. in some respects - or maybe just to them - you’re either in the five boroughs (really three - and a half??) or you’re not. regardless, it’s not like I need validation from anyone or recognition. I operate on my own terms already, so what difference does it make where I get a piece of paper? I just want to appreciate it, be appreciated, have a good time, and not hate it, and I do. such great students. so much unity and sincerity! they fill me with optimism. the reason I want the piece of paper is so I can meet the next versions of them and teach them. my heart is definitely in that, as Jackie McLean’s was for all those years. these students are on it, and I'm really happy to be in their orbit. sometimes I feel like I'm being pushed towards some ends that have truly nothing to do with me, but I make that clear enough and go about my day. I can’t accommodate everybody. I just keep chugging along, and making sure everyone knows that my goals are my goals, and I really can't be swayed whatsoever. I negotiate, at times very very subtly, and keep it moving. if it doesn’t work for me, I move on. who can say what tomorrow brings? you only get one life, so go the furthest, the deepest, the hardest, and be all you can be. if you ever willingly shortchange yourself, ethically, spiritually, or consciously, you’ve got no one to blame but yourself. always pull yourself up and never give in to fear. go where you’re wanted and needed, not where you’re not, but don’t act on your fear or other people’s. in my lifetime, there has never been a moment that demanded more courage. why? because people let it get this far. in order to reel it back, we have to deliver purpose and strive for greatness. if we can’t do that, we let the snakes and monsters win. don’t do that.
-BS