hello!!!!

I must say, things are better than ever! I’m very grateful.

Today, I was taking stock. Some thoughts entered my head, and they’ve been gnawing at me a little bit, asking me to make up my mind.

A lot of what I think is below, so I’m not going to repeat anything I usually think, but let me go with this:

I cannot stop myself or anyone else from repeating the mistakes of the past.
It is hard to know you are making a mistake while you are making one. In fact, I think it’s impossible - unless something already gave you that feeling and you ignored it
I cannot please or even tend to everyone, so I had better prioritize
Sometimes you are not wanted and people will not tell you that. Very rarely, they might even tell you. Listen, but don’t overreact. Just accept it and be grateful for the clarity.
You are the culmination of factors generations in the making. Hell, maybe even millennia. You are not new, you are not the first, you are not the best. You are just a vessel for “it.” Be that. It’s the best way to be.
I am kind to past versions of myself who were learning how to make things better, and I am kind to younger versions of people who are learning how to see all the layers. I will be protective and supportive, always. I will not always know what to say or do. At the very least, I am grateful to those who didn’t follow their impulses and lead with kindness, not anger. I am not as grateful to those who think scolding is progress.
Some people just need a spark, or freedom, or joy, to be discharged from the dreariness of cold and selfish people. It is wonderful to do that.
Commitment and loyalty give someone else certainty, and a stake with you. It means something to do it, and it means something to say it. If you don’t, you become uncertain. There is no equivocation to that in my mind. You either commit, or you leave things and people uncertain. I say what needs to be said, as gently as I can, and let the chips fall where they may. I’d rather do that than beat around the bush
I don’t make assumptions. I could, but I’m tired of it. It’s a waste of thinking and doing. I have inklings, but those are based on something that happened or is real. And then those get backed up with proof. Actual proof. And then we’re not uncertain. And then you’re not asking questions about what I want or did. I have no reason to hide what I do, because I enjoy it and have no secrets worth sharing
Anything we say that limits our own potential is on us to correct. Like, Marlon Brando in On The Waterfront. “I coulda been a contender.” Wrong. You COULD be what you believe you can be. I think he would think other people kept him from being something. What I would say is: keep them from keeping you down. Don’t let them not let you.
This might as well be 10b: find a way. Be creative. Be crafty. Be dope. Don't take no for an answer if you really want to find a way. Keep knocking on doors until they open, and find a way to get what you want without danger or power imbalance. Be honest with yourself, first and foremost, and reveal only what you need to reveal, when you need to reveal it. Don’t show your hand. Keep it under the table. Strike when the iron’s hot.
10c: go where the doors actually open, and stop trying to knock on locked ones. Even people who say they’re open might be confused - or lying - or just confused. Really. But it doesn’t matter - a closed door is a closed door. Move on, keep moving, make progress. Be open enough that you can walk through open doors and be prepared to go through them. Let other people blame themselves for not opening doors for you. After all, they closed them for a reason. You just find a different reason to walk through a different door.
It’s like chess: if you take someone’s bishop, they probably didn’t realize the piece was exposed. But they don’t blame you, they blame themselves. In their mind, they’re supposed to win. And when you start winning, they move on and find another move. It’s no one’s fault: you found a bishop when someone was trying to keep you down. Guess what? That’s called chess. The person who thinks they’re supposed to checkmate you wouldn’t like it if you started to win. That happens in life. Be great enough to take pieces from people, even if it’s not directed at them. Sometimes it’s not even their “bishop” yet, but they thought it was theirs. Doesn’t matter - just get what you need and don’t admit you were after it. Find the door that opens. Sometimes it takes a few years. Make sure you have the moves you need, and then make them when you actually think you can. Have allies. Have ideas and plans. Do things. Be smart - and then be smarter than you were last year. Don’t show your hand - or someone can stop you, because people tend to sabotage and undermine and think they have the right. Well, then, you have the right to find open doors, and, if need be, take someone’s bishop. That’s chess, baby!
The energy of what you are finding and why is wrapped in the development of who you have been, and how conducive your environment is to helping you grow and thrive. In other words, if you feel like everything is falling apart, there are probably reasons. It may help for you to move away from the things you think don’t work. I think it’s a very American idea to push through things that you don’t like. It’s not an Eastern ideal. Eastern wisdom says go with the thing that nourishes you. American wisdom says “you have to do this because you need the advantage, even if you hate it.” That’s not me anymore, and I find……a lot of benefits have come from not sabotaging myself. So that’s good! I found energies that limited me, or made me feel worse, and they came with a lack of results. The more that flipped, the better I have felt about everything. You have to be grateful and mean it, which means you have to be around things and people that actually make you feel that way; no hesitation. And that means you have to forfeit the things and people that hold you back, and stay focused - because you might not need them. And I really do mean that. MIGHT. I’m not entirely sure yet, but I feel like I may have pulled that off. We’ll see
Some people say they accept you and don’t. I’m sorry if that’s happening to you.
“Ride or die” means for life. My stuff is your stuff. It’s ALWAYS love. The second someone hides from you or pushes you away, they’re not that. Find the things and people that resonate the most.
Invest in people you want to flourish. Do it. Stop climbing and start nurturing. It’s fun. It’s dope
Keep going - and be kind to yourself in the process, because everything’s a process.
Find the stuff that works and leave the rest.
The mystery of unfolding is vast, deep, and unbelievable. Sometimes you literally don’t believe it, but things may be unfolding. Alignment is beautiful. It helps make unfolding more simple. Disarray is bad. Find the spark, find the connection between people, nurture those things, believe in people, and see what those things say about you. Those should be positive things. Don’t foster pain. Relieve the pain. Find love within yourself, and then give it to people. That’s the way

All right. That’s all for now.

Smalls!!!!!!! November 29th, 9 & 10:30. If all goes well, it’s going to be special.

Come find out for yourself!!